Most days I wake up and feel like I really don’t know anything.  Which in such situations, honestly, my partner doesn’t help.  He’s been studying computers and computer languages for years now.  So, because I’m trying to learn something totally new previous to my former education, I consistently feel...incapable.  Unfortunately my own personal drive creates this internal expectation that I can and should be able to do it all already.  Which in turn makes the trying and doing fairly difficult, as I consistently get re-slammed with the idea of not knowin’ nothin’.

Today was one of those days where I worked all day long on something only to find at the end of the day that I’m going to have to start all over.  At least that’s the way it feels.  At this point I’m going to need to rework quite a bit on my current project. So now, after working for 9 hours on the project, it was fairly disheartening to realize all the work I would need to do.  Normally I consider myself to be the kind of person who thinks about everything she needs to ahead of time, and knows that if she didn’t think about it then she’ll try to do something about it when it comes up.  If she can.  If not, then she’ll just move on and do the best she can with what she’s got.  What else can you do really, really?  I find many people who continuously prevent themselves from finishing a project because they find other things wrong with it, or they are simply people who can’t live with the fact that they are human.  I’m sorry, I will do my best the first time I make it for you, and if there is time I will redo it.  Otherwise we’ll address it during the next time around.  

However the more I read in the field of Computer Science, the more I realize that many of the great leaps and innovations in this industry have been reworked hundreds of times, by multitudes of people.  And this is the line of work I’m moving towards.  I know this will be one of my biggest challenges.  I will have to learn to make mistakes, day in and day out, and consistently not let it hit me.  I will do them again and again until I get it right.  That kind of problem solving is what I need to make this business work.  Even saying all of this makes me feel slightly stupid, because you always hear those quotes about how only the great things come from banging your head on a door time and again.  But as to whether or not that is a feat my burly strength is capable of?  

Who knows...