It’s considered bad because it promotes social dysfunction, and increases anger overall. Anger and dysfunction promotes less production and a less productive society is, over all, supposed to be not good. People react with anger or hurt for so many reasons. Many of those reasons are because they feel threatened. In ways I felt threatened at my previous job; most explicitly felt threatened with job loss, which created a feeling of loss of self worth, and loss of respect. It has taken me months of reflection and thought to get to a point where the anger doesn’t burn as hot.
What I’m getting at is that despite the time it’s been and my months of reflection, I still have this anger burning inside me. It’s not as strong or potent, but it’s still there. People try to offer advice by saying to forgive or simply let go. Others say I should simply accept it and find a way to not let it bother me anymore. Life’s too short and all that jazz.
Sometimes I tell myself I should be thankful. I would never have taken the leap without that, shall we say, ‘encouragement’ that was provided. But I’m still hurt, and I’m still angry. I’m still recovering from that loss of self worth, and teaching myself that I’m capable and talented. I feel again that I can do things. I’m no longer shut down by the simple reminder of the humiliation I felt.
I still write blog entries about my anger. I continue to try to process it by throwing it out there for the world to see. For people to criticize me and tell me something, anything, that might help make it go away. I saw something recently that said, “If you continue to hate or be angry about someone, you’re simply allowing them free rent in your head.”
In a way that comment hit home. I’m still allowing this woman to reside in the my thoughts and affect the way I feel about myself. I don’t know how to get her to leave. Every time I start to question myself there she comes again, parading in and telling me where to move the furniture to her preference. This squatter simply needs to go.