This in depth conversation did one astounding thing that I felt I had to mention. This conversation helped me to begin finding closure with how things ended at my previous job. From what I can remember, she seemed to confirm that what I felt I was experiencing (fairly often public shaming from my immediate supervisor) was real, and that it was also seen by others at work (who unfortunately didn’t know what to do about it). She seemed to confirm that my previous supervisor is now in a position where she has no managerial duties. She also noted that no one at work seemed to understand where the concerns with my work ethic and ability to get the job done came from, because everyone else never had any issues with it. If anything, they had problems with my supervisor’s ability to get things done.
Once I finished this conversation I was almost a little giddy. I was so incredibly satisfied that my former supervisor was no longer treating anyone like she treated me and that my reputation was, as far as I could tell, still intact. That everyone was kind of upset about the whole thing and that I was not crazy.
I’ll say it again...I am not crazy. What I experienced was real. Due to a variety of reasons (some family related), I sometimes question myself overly regarding my interpretation of events. It is partially due to this that I allowed myself to believe the interpretations of my superiors. Instead of using my common sense and self esteem I allowed myself to question my own interpretations and thus allowed her to destroy my opinion of myself.
I’m not saying here that one should never question oneself, but that there is a limit to that questioning. When you reach that limit, you allow yourself to be influenced in ways that could potentially be incredibly harmful. That is the point where if you let them, they will control you. Sometimes they want to control you because then their world is safer. Sometimes they honestly don’t know what they are doing and their own personal obliviousness to the situation is what makes it even harder to trust yourself.
Always question yourself, but do it in a healthy way. Never allow someone to make you feel like you’re crazy. There are legitimate reasons why you feel the way you do. Your actions may be inappropriate, which is why learning to hold back on enacting them is key. Understand why you feel that way, allow for self reflection, then act.
Up Next Time: How to find closure without outside assistance