Last night, thankfully, I found one of my old yoga videos I would follow during college. There are five different segments throughout the day, with the beginning and ending ones focusing on waking up and getting you to sleep. The last one for the end of the day is basically a yoga relaxation technique. I forgot how well I can respond to those, because I always feel a bit....drugged afterwards. It was good medicine that the doctor ordered.
Not just that, but this morning I awoke with the sun shining, and did more yoga. Warm and liquid like I start the day. Now I feel like more creation-work, however I need to get more work-work done. I’ve started a new job recently, translating German for local science startup company. It’s only part time, and it gives me a chance to work with languages again. It does also, however, remind me that I’m in a ‘work’ environment again. Work politics and all the other aspects of being employed by someone are there again.
At first I was apprehensive, considering my most recent experiences working for someone else. I am still apprehensive. Every once in a while I will emotionally react to an incident, and it will be much stronger than I anticipated. Then, for a while, it will heavily affect my ability to work and my ability to reason. The issue with this is that there has been nothing to really instigate these feelings. All the things that have happened thus far are the normal interactions of being employed by someone.
I knew that once I started working somewhere again these feelings and stressors would show up. The thoughts and feelings that I’ve been fighting this past half-year, the emotional well being I created, is now being pressured. Once again I am faced with one of the constant pains in my chest, the fear that others will not trust me.
Up Next Time: Fearing a lack of trust, and why it rules my life.