So yesterday I had a panic attack.  This was definitely different than what I’ve experienced in the past.  I couldn’t breathe, and the room was getting smaller.  I went for a walk to steady my breathing but when I returned the air felt heavy and thick.  As the night wore on things went from something I could handle to worse.  The evening ended with me digging up and talking about old memories that are rather painful to reminisce.  Suffice it to say I’m kind of trying to avoid the day, get some work done, but otherwise not pay attention.  

It’s almost a year to the day since I quit my last job.  A year to the day when I turned in my notice that I wasn’t going to work for a company I felt didn’t respect me.  A year to the day since I was escorted off the premises a day after I had turned in my two weeks notice.  

I’m definitely doing better, but I’ve got a different ball of wax to deal with now.  I’m still dealing with a serious lack in self confidence.  I look at craigslist and I wonder if I could successfully do a job at a grocery store without getting poor reviews.  However that only happens when I’m low, and the stress eats at me.  

But this is not all the time, it has only been stronger of late.  My hopes are for a March that shines and allows me some respite from my woes.  One that allows me to find a calm center so I can watch my garden grow.