It seems I am still fighting panic attacks and depression. This morning I awoke at 9am ready to start the day, but decided to hit the snooze button for 30 minutes. I later woke up at noon. At that point I proceeded to hang out in bed for a while, dreading the day, and finally got out to eat and watch some TV. After a couple of episodes of DS9 I decided to take a bath. That’s when my panic attack started to set it. The heat overwhelmed me for a bit, so I only stayed in the bath for about 10 minutes. Then I got out, put on some clothes and decided to go do some errands.
After dropping off some paper work downtown and turning some recycling in at the local Co-op I grabbed a cup of coffee and started driving. I didn’t care where I went I just needed to clear my head. So I drove. Taking random turns around the countryside between Corvallis and Albany I just drifted and sang to random oldies songs on the radio.
I finally stopped at a local Gardening shop called Garlands, bought a couple of items, and left again. Then I kept driving around, grabbed some new pillows and headed home. I had finally calmed down at that point, but up until then I was afraid to turn around. The panic was located at home, where I hadn’t been getting anything done. It’s still here, drifing around, threatening to bring me back down.
So tomorrow will be another day, where I hope to awaken early. A day where I hope my self discipline will be apparent, a day when I will start to move on.
See you tomorrow.