An Emotional State of Things
As I mentioned in one of my recent blog entries, I was recently hired on full time for the company I was moonlighting for. Now I’m simply moonlighting for FlamingLunchbox. Life is busy. Life is good.
Considering I’ve just been hired on as a permanent employee, and it’s my first permanent position since my previous job which inspired me to take this journey, I felt it was nigh on time to reflect on where I am now. It’s also been about a year and a half since I left the company which gave me a sick feeling in my stomach for almost 9 months.
Reflecting on my recovery brought me back an old entry where I explored What it means to be recovered?. After reading about how I felt only 6 months ago I realized just how much has changed in my life. For quick reference, the definitions of ‘recovery’, as used in my February entry.
Definition: to regain strength, composure, balance, or the like… Medical Definition: the person has developed a personal sense of hope and empowerment that wasn’t there before.
First major difference I’ve found is that when I see former coworkers from this place of work I’m happy to see them. I try to wave or smile their way. I feel anger at my former boss, but it’s not the rage it once was. I still wouldn’t mind punching her face in, at least in my imagination. I think that’s only because I want some kind of retribution for what happened to me and how I was made to feel. But, be it age or simply time, now I would rather just keep on keepin’ on. I would rather continue to live the life I love and enjoy.
One of the major differences for me that’s happened, is being hired on as a permanent employee. From that comes being financially stable. Having the ability to pay your bills every month greatly increases your ability to handle any situation, and oh boy have I realized how much that’s made a difference.
I definitely feel a sense of hope and empowerment now that was not there in February. I wake up and I want to be up and doing things. I am building on awesome projects I love, and they’re getting bigger and better. Robey and I are taking a trip to Germany (have I mentioned this yet?), for the ENTIRE MONTH OF DECEMBER. It’s going to be glorious.
I’m also starting to feel confident in my abilities with programming. I’m almost finished with the javascript basics on Codecademy and I’ll be working on learning python again here in October. Feeling excited about learning and feeling good about it, it’s like eating an entire meal you plucked from your garden, gratifying and satisfying. So what are the major differences between February and now? Time, money, pride, confidence, pending trip out of the country, and life is awesome in general.