betterlivingthroughpython

blog about me resume portfolio

A poor attempt at command line humor

March 31, 2011

Without a doubt these past two days have been fantastic and brutal at the same time. As I am now self employed, I did the needed thing and went and requested the government for food stamps. Yeah nice government workers! Woo Food Stamps. Now Robey and I can still eat, while we are attempting to scrounge up some money and pay our bills while we start up this company.

Go FlamingLunchbox, GO!

Anyways. I’ve been neck deep in HTML and CSS editing for our website over the past two days. While it was, quote ‘fantastic’ it was also a bit brutal. There were several expletives shouted at my laptop. My laptop remained, thankfully, patient. Once or twice when running Inkscape, the program crashed before I had saved the new image I had been working on. That created another line of expletives. Then some angry hand waving at the cats, and Robey attempting to explain that large images don’t work well with laptops with low memory. Not to mention when and where to use GIMP versus Inkscape. Working with open source programs is good, however until we can purchase the hardware I am imagining other instances of the following:

>>> wavinghands = “Inkscape is crashing”
>>> #$%**!! = “Please don’t yell at me, I am simply a helpful device attempting to assist you.”
...
>>> wavinghands + ?#$%**!!
Why do you make me do this?

Trebuchet, another day...

HTML and CSS

March 30, 2011

Part of assisting with the development of Flaminglunchbox, was my ‘take over’ of the website so to speak. I must say, that learning HTML is exciting. Not to mention seeing how CSS is used to support HTML in designing and creating websites. Today was mostly devoted towards recognizing the connections between the HTML code and then updating it as necessary. It’s amazing the flexibility it gives you. How easy it was to adjust and maneuver the header. Or how you can simply create certain designs and then use a key phrase to use them on whichever page you choose. When I used to write or my blog on Livejournal back in 2003-04 I would use some minor HTML coding in order to emphasize bold, italics, underline, and linking. I’m very glad I had seen this information before, as to see the code and recognize how it works was kind of a refresher today. I’ll tell you, refreshing that test page is a treat.

Tomorrow I’m allowing myself some time to work on this blog’s HTML. It should be a bit different, because for the most part I will only be adjusting one page and mainly the CSS. I’ll also have a lot more free reign. I think. Honestly I’m still learning so I’m not exactly sure what to expect.

Quick question: how does one, being self employed, really get away with allowing oneself a sick day? It’s seems like quite a tricky thing. Another question. How does one recover self worth when flashes of the pain you felt during a previous job continue to haunt you? When images of how it made you feel about yourself are always lurking, waiting for something else to get you down. Then they hook into you, and pull you further into the abyss of self loathing.

The only thing that makes my current self employment feel gratifying (besides the work itself), is an increase in sales. With part of successful entrepreneurship being luck, I’m guessing the main goal is to find a way to make the work pay for itself. That way as long as the work is gratifying, I’m satisfied. Not to mention that setting your own hours is a truly beautiful thing. I There are always pluses to be found.

++++++++++++++

(concatenation?!?)

Watch out for mixed metaphors!!

March 29, 2011

I’ve reviewed Lectures 1 and 2 of the Intro to Computer Science MIT OCW (Open Course Ware) course, and that went well. It especially made more sense after doing the readings, and helped to enforce the information. I would highly suggest it.

I would also highly suggest to NOT do the readings before watching the lectures they are about. I tried to get through a bunch of the readings, to make sure I was caught up, and then read a bit ahead so I had more of an idea of what I was going into during Lecture 3.. Which, it feels like Lectures 1-3 readings are not organized correctly considering what he’s talking about in the lectures. This could also be attributed to my lack of understanding in the materials, as this is my first time through a programming language.

Anyways, this compounded the issue, as I was trying to do the readings along with the lectures, and then a bit extra. Since they seemed to be disorganized I ended up reading more ahead than I had wished for, and then getting even more confused when I tried to do one of the suggested exercises in the readings and just sat there with my head in my hands totally confused. Finally I decided that I would go back and just try watching lecture 3 leisurely so that I could just try to get a sense as to what he was talking about. Hoping that the lecture would stave off my confusion. It has helped. However as I need to learn this information and be able to implement and use it, I get the feeling that I will be reviewing some of these lectures, and re-reading the assigned texts until my eyes start to crust over.

I know that this lecture series is 24 episodes long (a semester), and I know that it will be a bit before I can feel a bit more confident about taking random stabs at creating some code. At this point all I can do is feel like I’m scratching at the bit (ah my ridiculous mixed metaphors), but know that I really don’t have enough footing to even take off.

Well, back to more lecture review.

My experiences wearing a bear suit

March 28, 2011

How to keep bouts of depression from preventing creativity, learning, and personal productivity. Please note, these are all personal opinions and theories of my own.

Identify the cause

Most of my life depression has come along for a good reason. It’s normally my body and mind telling me there are things I need to process. As yourself why you are depressed. Did something life altering just happen? Do you have ghosts in your past that aren’t letting go? Did you react strongly to something in the news? Sometimes a simple news article can bring fighting in the middle east to a more stark reality than previous. Those news stories can relate to personal life events, and those connections can sometimes be treacherous. Identifying the cause sooner rather than letter will help you recover faster. As painful as it may be, think seriously about why you are depressed.

Allow yourself some time.

Sometimes getting to the recovery process can be more draining than allowing yourself a little time to wallow in the depression. This may not sound productive, but allowing yourself to think about things, and sleep more, is your body’s way of making you process things. I’ve always felt that your body tries to tell you what it needs, and this is one of those things. I don’t adhere to the ‘you must get busy now or the depression will take you over’ beliefs. I think that it’s perfectly respectable to allow yourself time to grieve. I believe that when your body and mind allows yourself to be depressed, it needs to grieve for something. I am unemployed, and in effect I feel like I lost my job. I am grieving for it, despite my cognition of not wanting the job and having been the person who instigated the departure. In giving myself some time I am allowing those feelings to be experienced, which in turn helps to heal my body.

Find what recovery process works best for you.

Not everyone is the same here. Robey consistently tries to keep me away from the TV. His method of getting through depression has always been to delve into work or playing video games, something that makes your mind take an active role. He finds that doing something is better than sitting there allowing the story of a TV show to take me away. I have found that those stories can be invigorating and can make me feel re-energized. Sometimes they are helpful. But he is right in one sense. Once I’m done with watching a movie the depression can hit me full force again. Not only has it hit me full force, but now my depression has additional guilt from sitting on the couch doing nothing but watching TV. You must find the kind of recovery process that works for you. Whether that is working in your garden, cleaning your house, picking up a favorite hobby more intensely. Once you can get up don’t sit there, it will only make things worse. Allowing yourself time to grieve is good, but if you’ve started recovering and you allow it to pull you back down, that can be dangerous.

Never feel guilty.

Once you start feeling guilty about not getting started quickly enough or not meeting goals of recovery, you set a poor pattern of self reflection. Never set large goals during your recovery process. Only make plans. Setting goals for yourself while trying to get out of depression is only going to make yourself even more depressed when you don’t meet your goals. This will invariably happen, because you are not in tip top shape when recovering. If you meet your goals, you may have just learned a very effective way to shove your feelings under the carpet, so to speak. Storing those feelings away now can make it even harder to deal with depression you may feel later on in life. I feel that if you don’t deal with the emotions you have currently, they will only continue to haunt you in one way or another.

Take things day by day.

I feel that one of the best ways to keep going each day is to set a daily goal. This may sound contrary to my last paragraph, however I feel that this is different. A daily goal can be something as simple as going for a walk or run. It could be choosing to do one load of laundry. It could be deciding to work on one project, and choosing one aspect of it. The goal itself won’t seem as foreboding. It will seem reachable. This idea is especially good if you are employed. If you are trying to grieve and deal with depression, it can be very difficult when working the daily grind. Completing a goal during each evening can make your free time feel productive and subsequently satisfying. As said previously, don’t set large goals up for yourself. They can seem unattainable, and can sometimes only serve to deepen your depression. A daily goal can help you re-establish your self confidence and help you start to be productive again. When I was in college during my undergrad I suffered some severe depression during fall term dead week of my senior year. I didn’t attend a single course that week, in spite of it being that week when you collect final notes. I was trying to process some serious internal emotional conflicts in regarding my family, more specifically my father. I choose during that week to forgo attending class, and instead simply started running. I ran one mile each day, and then came home and read and studied as I could. That one daily goal helped me immensely.

Recognize that those feelings may never fully go away, and that’s okay.

I feel that those therapists out there who feel that you can make your reasons for depression no longer affect you are crazy. I’m sorry, but I feel that my life experiences will be with me always. Things that I feel bad for are always going to be there, unless I do something about them, and even then I’m still going to remember them once in a while and feel bad about them again. As much as I can try to grieve out all my feelings of loss from my grandmothers death it’s never going to fully go away, and I don’t want it to. I feel that choosing to be okay with keeping that feeling around is important. It helps me to connect more deeply with others. If you think you can ‘fully recover’ from horrifying life experiences, I think you are just another example of that person who can shove those concerns and emotions under the carpet. That you are simply choosing to make it disappear, but those feelings will still affect you. If I didn’t still feel sorrowful when I thought about the death of a loved one I would be deeply concerned about myself. Understand that this experience is going to be a part of you for the rest of your life, and accept it. Recognize that it simply is, and the choice of it making you good or bad is entirely your own doing. People can have some influence on how you feel about yourself, but you are the final verdict. This experience with depression will always be with you, and part of you may always be susceptible to it again. This is not a bad thing. Experiencing depression does not make you a bad person, and finding yourself succumbing to it again is not bad. It simply means you need some more time for recovery. As winter comes every year, the plants always return in the spring. The hard thing to do is to find what makes it better for you.

Exercise and Depression

March 25, 2011

I try to start most mornings now with crunches and a protein shake. I swear, a strong core is the solution to so many health problems. I wish more people enjoyed crunches the way I do.

Time for more learning and programming today. Hopefully it will treat me better than yesterday.
Yesterday was a long day, one full of depression and anxiety. I ended up playing Tales of Monkey Island for 4 or 5 hours. If I wasn’t in a ‘short on cash’ mode, I might have done something else. I normally visit a couple friends of mine, good friends, who do massage and facials. I never used to partake much in the relaxation arts, but once my work life and subsequent stress started getting the better of me such visits became a mainstay. Now I enjoy supporting their business, as seeing them always leaves me in a better mood. I usually would see them once a month when I was employed.

To add on to my list of downers, for about 5 months I’ve been having some pretty serious issues with my left leg. They have been serious enough that I’ve been seeing a Physical Therapist for it. Normally I’m fairly physically active, playing on several soccer teams, so being injured has been a trying experience. Normally I see many of my friends when playing soccer, or afterwards. Having that mainstay activity out of my schedule has been very frustrating. So, in order to speed my recovery, I’ve also been seeing my friend who does deep tissue massage. Slowly improvements are occurring, and I’m noticing an increase in overall “wellness”, as it were.

I simply cannot emphasize how much massages make me a happier person. I say, If you’re stressed, seriously, go get a massage.

Programming like Chrono Trigger

March 24, 2011

Within the readings, I’m finding the Chapter information so far (mostly glossary definitions with some explanations), to be fairly helpful. Connecting the dots between his comments in the lectures and the readings is very helpful in solidifying the information internally. I am, however, finding that I have to backtrack and reread many of the small programs he’s writing. Re-watching the lectures is a plan for this upcoming weekend.

The sheer magnitude of differences per language (programming languages) hasn’t really come into focus. I’m still working on understanding script vs. compiler and interpreter, and the wheres and whens of those. I had done a fair amount of excel work previous to this, so the problems he uses for examples make sense.

An example from the readings:

question = "What did you have for lunch?"
print (question)
answer = raw_input()

print ("You had " + answer + "! That sounds delicious!")

This little ditty was giving me FF3 and Chrono trigger flashbacks. For you this may mean flashbacks from 20 years ago or before. For myself it means flashbacks from less than two years ago. It was required of me from my current boyfriend, that I play some of the very old school games. I’m glad I did. This piece of code started my brains churning. It made me think of the slight additions you could make to this code, where certain strings created answers that didn’t end with ‘That sounds delicious!’ to ‘That sounds atrocious!’. It made me think of all the mudding I had seen previous friends doing when I was younger. Connecting this simple piece to games I had played helped to bring into stark realization what I could do with simple programming skills. It’s honestly quite exciting. I wish that more people I knew felt this way.

Lecturific findings and mathematical roadblocks

March 23, 2011

The MIT lectures I’m following have a great instructor leading the lectures. He throws candy at his students, and hits them or others near them, often. :) Not to mention he discusses the topics intelligently and with good articulation.

He’s a decent orator, however I’ve been finding that to make true sense of his discussions that reviewing the reading material first may be in order. I’ve been watching the lectures first, to get more background before I do the readings, and having done half of the readings today I am noticing the readings are making a ton more sense. As with most courses, looks like much of the reading is necessary for true comprehension. I may have to withhold lecture viewing, where I get to see more kids pelted with sugar packets, until more of the reading is completed. I’ll get back to you on how that goes.

One of the things I’m running into, is the need for a strong understanding of mathematical logic in order to make the most of this coursework. Most of my background is in a variety of languages, historical and cultural backgrounds. I have two bachelors (German, Medieval studies), and a minor (English). As you can see, my mathematical background is minimal. This is unlike Robey, my partner, whose studies range into doctorate level coursework. This is not to say that my personal ability to grasp mathematical concepts is difficult, quite to the contrary. My own studies in Math are limited, however my other training (linguistic and cultural), I feel, provides me with a good base.

Despite my confidence in my abilities, I am sure to prove myself wrong here very soon. Delving into new territories always proves ones inability before true ability and understanding takes its place.

A Twitter Experiment

March 21, 2011

One might have expected a person such as myself to turn towards the programming path at an earlier age. I have had a multitude of boyfriends with high mathematics, and engineering programming skills/capabilities that exposed me to programming. They all taught me tidbits of information that gave me a higher understanding of what programming even meant.

However I come from a poorer family originating in the US south that moved to Oregon around 1989. We didn’t have a computer in my household until I was 16 (currently 28 years old). The focus of most of my education is regarding medieval literature and language. I’ve studied over 6 different languages, several of those being dead languages. None of those languages were formal, i.e. programming languages. Therefore after my recent debacle as an ‘employee’ I’ve decided to reinvent myself. I get languages, I enjoy computers and computer games, so I'll learn to program.

I’ve been steered towards an online MIT course in Computer Science (basing itself in Python). It has 24 lectures available online, reading materials, exercises and tests. I’m hoping to grasp some basic understanding of Python, as well as HTML, Java, Javascript and some SQL for data-crunching. Luckily my ‘partner in crime’ is already a programmer. He’s done a variety of work, and will serve as my mentor in this effort. I hope, however, to also receive input from places like Reddit, Lifehacker, and honestly anyone else who happens to read this blog. Here I am, a 20 something, frustrated with the general workplace, wanting to make something of myself and learn at the same time.

As I’m not sufficiently educated to do serious programming at this time, I will be conducting an experiment instead. In trying to learn how to use Twitter to aid our business, I noticed that there are a variety of ways to create more ‘followers’ and raise awareness for FlamingLunchbox.net. Each one takes a fair amount of time, and I’m not certain as to which one will be most effective.

Thus my twitter experiment.

Based on the research I’ve done I’ve found that commenting on others pages, using hashmarks, along with increasing your comments on twitter can be effective means. Taking those ideas into account, but not worrying about scientific method, I’ve developed this:

Twitter Experiment (pythonliving):

First week: 50 tweets of varying caliber, add 50 people to ‘following’ - log increase in followers
Second week: 10 tweets of very high caliber with hashmarks - 100 comments - log increase
Third week: 150 tweets of mediocre caliber with hashmarks in all of them - log increase
Fourth week: 300 tweets of low caliber, no hashmarks/comments - log increase
Fifth Week: 10 tweets of very high caliber, Start following 100 new people
Sixth Week: Review results and determine where highest yield comes from
Seventh Week: Establish best combination and publish

Week	Total Followers	Total Following	Total Tweets
Zero Week	12	28	34
First Week
Second Week
Third Week
Fourth Week
Fifth Week
Sixth Week
Seventh Week

Day two, moving on towards snow fall

March 18, 2011

Oh day two of unemployment, how lack luster you were. I spent the day meeting up with ex-coworkers and my mother, doing dishes and organizing sales data for our applications. Working on a couple of personal projects, like crocheting house socks (the design dating from the seventies) and playing in the snow.

Yes it snowed.

Amazingly enough I am unemployed on a day where everyone else except my former place of employment, has off, because we had 4 inches of snow. It may not be much to you, but in the Willamette Valley 4 inches means several years worth of snow related accident horror stories. It feels odd to be unemployed on one of the few days where we actually have snow. I started making a snowman, and then realized that I would rather see the snow on the ground than roll up the snow. That thought, though, was quickly belayed by a snow ball fight with my boyfriend. At the end of it I was laughing. I felt a release, the laughter made my whole body glow.

I like the snow. I especially like it on castles and Stavkirke (Norwegian Stave Churches). It reminds me of the stories I read as an undergrad. During my ‘Bachelor’s training’ I did lots of things. I joined the marching band, dated a homeless man (among other with-home men), gave hemoglobin for money, ate at a stone soup, got a DUI, and watched my family start to separate and grow apart. I also did other things, things not so dismal or dreary. I lived in Norway for half a year, studied 5 different languages (alive and dead), sang in a gospel choir, volunteered for a community garden and climbed a mountain. I experienced life as best I could. As I graduated in 2006 I had little to say, I just wanted to “Go to Colorado and rock climb”. Not much to that really. I wanted to hike the Appalachian trail toe to head, and I wanted to camp in the rain. I wanted to get away. I wanted to stop listening to what was required of me and do something that would revitalize my soul.

Now I’m back in my home town. I’ve quit my job and by choice am self-employed. I’m injured and unable to play the sport I love, soccer. I’m low on self esteem and I’ve got about 5 months of rent in the bank. It’s time to apply for food stamps, along with looking into unemployment. This situation is primed for a long bout of deep depression with a side of 20 pounds weight gain (as long as the food stamps pull through).

Today the people in my life are my inspiration. They possess rich souls, and they share laughter and love with me continuously. My neighbors, my family, my friends, and my beloved. I wish to share more of my life with them. So now I have some work to do. I need to find a way to make rent payments, and get food on the table. And this time I want to do it on my own terms.

Life altering events, not a daily occurence

March 16, 2011

It was my last day. It was Tuesday. I had turned in my two week notice the day before. I walked to work, excited at my upcoming prospects, and thinking about the work I needed to collect and organize for my soon to be ex-employers. I wanted to make sure to leave them in the best situation possible, considering I was leaving soon. I had lots to do, and was sitting in a location that was much healthier for me. It was not that I had been sitting somewhere with mold, or tight quarters that made me hit my shins every time I turned around. I had been sitting for most of my 9 months, in the same office with my direct supervisor. The person who I had recently submitted a complaint of harassment against. I was moved to a different area. They conducted an investigation. At the end I was given the verdict. It was something along the lines of: There is no evidence proving that these events occurred.

But I digress. It was my last day. I arrive at work, go next door to the coffee shop and grab my coffee. Back at my desk I start snacking on my two pieces of mozzarella string cheese, sip my coffee, and get to work reviewing emails. Chatter in this new area I’m in is positive, friendly, and inviting. I’m feeling great, and partially sad that I will not get a chance to work with such great people in the future. I have a meeting this morning, reviewing my work and making sure everyone is up to speed on the projects I’ve been working on. My supervisor is incredibly positive, and impressed with my work. While showing all the work I’ve put in, I end up getting complimented so much I could almost imagine that what’s happened over the past month was a dream. I go to lunch, and return. Sitting at my computer getting started again I am called over by HR to discuss, what I thought, was the general practices of employees leaving this particular organization.

I was handed a piece of paperwork indicating that I was paid in full, and could now stop working immediately. I was told, that I had been placed on administrative leave for the remainder of my two weeks. “We will help you collect your things and you can go...now,” they say. A bit flustered but under control I stand up, grab my last paycheck, and start toward my temporary location in the other building.

Suffice it to say I grabbed my things, called my boyfriend to come pick me up, and left. All the while half of my coworkers were sitting there with shocked and sad faces watching as I collected my things. Despite the 9 months of stress that I had been enduring, and what I thought was bullying from my direct supervisor, while walking away I could not stop laughing.

WHO DOES THAT???

They knew that I was going to be leaving, as I had already turned in my two week notice. So why the need to usher me out the door even faster? Not only ushering me out, but paying me for my time to boot. Why would you do something like that? I mean, if I was someone else, someone who came in with bad intentions, it might be more realistic. I’m not. I’m an intelligent person who, for one reason or another, started too low on the totem pole. I tend to intimidate some people in the places I work. I get too much done too fast.

During my time at this job I was continuously criticized for not meeting expectations in my workplace. I was placed on two separate forms of ‘improvement plans’ or ‘probation’. After some rough self reflection it still didn’t make any sense to me. I’ve always excelled in school and I’ve been given lots of positive feedback from my previous employers about my quality of work and the expediency in which I complete my tasks. I’ve always been appreciated as a person who gets things done. A person who works hard, and does a good job.

WHO DOES THAT???

Why would they have put me on administrative leave? As far as I know it is not corporate policy to do so. Why not fire me if they thought I was a poor employee? That and millions of other questions were going through my head. They still are. I’m now faced with being unemployed in this down economy, in a state that has one of the highest unemployment rates. Why am I telling you all this? Why does anyone care? Because I feel I’m like many young Americans out there, thrust into unemployment but still desperately wanting to make something of myself.

What am I going to do with myself? I’m going to put myself in a situation where I’m consistently challenged and hopefully change the trajectory of my life. I’m going to help build a business, learn to be self employed, work from home, and attempt to create something amazing. I’m going to learn how to program. Here is my story.

Previous Next

better living through python